"Eyes speak no more, heart feel no fear for she can see all."
Would you like to ‘rant’ at Madame Webb? Contact me at: madamewebb@rogers.com
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Madame Webb is the Melancholy Babe of the month for October
http://www.melancholyfableproductions.com/
Only 20 more days before Madame Webb and Septymus Spyder's wonderful Halloween wedding!
Gothic Weddings in Toronto
“I wrapped our love in foil so it would never spoil”. B. Warner
As taboo as marriage might be for a motley crew subculture that thrives on sex, rebellion, death and the obscure, some members do venture into the centuries old tradition of matrimony.
It is a time to physically confirm your undying love for your partner from the very depths of your ‘purple piss pump’.
To enter into marriage is to make a life long decision of putting someone else’s needs and beliefs above your own, to share in your victories and your losses. Tending to your relationship like a fragile garden, supporting one another, taking on each other’s debts and difficulties. The sarcastic joy of the in-laws, dogma and faith issues to contest and of course, child rearing debates. Despite all of this, Goths around the world gladly accept these challenges and decide to partake in the annual multi-billion dollar industry of having a wedding.
By going through my own wedding planning I have realized that in a time where individuality is accepted and encouraged, there is very little available in the wedding supply industry that is not either white traditional or tacky. Canadian Goths have a particularly difficult time finding products they want because a) the country only has 5 major cities that boast a Goth scene and b) monogamy, let alone getting marriage, is frowned upon by some Gothic communities. Therefore the demand for certain products is almost non-existent.
I have been fortunate to meet fellow Goths from around the world and encountered countless couples that are married and or have children. Some of them put their wedding details online in hopes to inspire other couples for their special day. There are also many fabulous websites that give wedding ideas from the décor, to the vows themselves. Factually a lot of them are American so I thought it was time to have something for those of us north of the border, in particular Toronto, Ontario.
To attend a large bridal show or not to attend? That is the question. I had the displeasure of attending one in my lifetime and I have told other bride and grooms to be – ‘don’t go for it will be the worst experience of your life’. Lo and behold, the grumbling couple tell me of their horrors after attending. Hundreds of booths of money-grubbing businesses, the monotonous photography, the hoards of people ravenously gathering around the wedding cake tasting area. Rows and rows of white beaded eye sore dresses. There is no question why wedding resources and suppliers are a multi-billion dollar industry.
PICKING A DATE
This is one of the time consuming and mind numbing tasks. A great choice for the couple is to pick the day they met or their favourite holiday like St.Valentine’s Day or Halloween to have your wedding on. However if these dates do not fall on a weekend and if the couple does not want to hold their wedding on a weeknight, then the search may continue.
Many Goths choose the date of Halloween for their wedding. Some might find this tacky and for others it has been a life long dream. If you are a person that believes in the former and know someone getting married on Halloween, it is best to just smile and keep all negative comments to yourself.
Other Holidays are wonderful as well, the magick of Christmas, the romance of St. Valentine’s Day or Pagan and religious holidays as well.
Remember that from May to September is prime wedding season. Halls, dress shops, tuxedo rental places, honeymoon locations and other suppliers will be more expensive during this time. Some halls or churches have special deals for weddings that are not held on a Saturday because that is the typically chosen date.
Whichever date is chosen, whether it be six months from the date of your engagement or 2 years, make sure that the date is special to both of you.
BUDGET and SIZE
Some people recommend that the couple create and stick to a budget. All that I recommend is try to put as little as possible onto your credit cards. You shouldn’t have to go $20,000 in debt just to have the perfect wedding. Be sure to make a list of what you can realistically save in the time before the wedding before making any concrete plans as to the location and size.
It is important to make a plan or budget how much you want to spend on particular items, like the clothing or decorations. We all can get carried away with accoutrements and extras but if you want to have money for other things – stick to your plan.
Some couples will want to have 200 guests or choose a more intimate smaller affair, either one should be exactly what the couple wants – not influenced by other family members expectations of the invitation list. Families can be over bearing by trying to have their say in who should or shouldn’t come. If either parents are paying for the wedding then they do have a right to who should or should not be invited to the wedding.
And you can expect them to have an opinion about other wedding items as well. It can be a blessing to have financial assistance for the joyous occasion but the couple should weigh out the pros and cons of having other peoples views inputted into their wedding.
If it is the couple paying for it – remember that. It is your day being paid out of your pockets, what you want is what you should get!
THEME
Victorian Gothic, cyber, Baroque, Medieval, Renaissance, fantasy, Gorey-esque,
Horrorific, Morbid, Celtic, Burton-esque, movie themed, fairy tale, Halloween, Art deco, the list can go on and on. There are no limits for what can be done and the colour palette is endless. This is a special day that sometimes only happens once in a lifetime. Picking a theme is a great way to show the couple’s personal creative and eclectic style. The theme can be reflected into almost everything. For example with a Celtic wedding, the menu could be traditional Irish or Scottish food, beautiful Celtic fonts and scrollwork on the invitations and stationary. Knot work could be embroidered on the bride and groom’s outfits.
Toronto has fabulous historical locations that would fit in specialized era theme.
Creating your own decorations, invitations or other items required can help continue the theme throughout the wedding. You might not find an industrial or cyber looking guest book, so why not create one?
Medieval/Renaissance wedding info
http://www.drizzle.com/~celyn/mrwp/mrwp.html
http://www.geocities.com/mirebast/renwed.html
LOCATION
One of the hardest things to do is find a location that represents the couples tastes, that fits into their budget and if it is available for your wedding date. And last but not least, if the establishment is Goth friendly.
I will start off by stating that the Old Mill Inn has hosted numerous Gothic and alternative weddings, they have a chapel and a large selection of banquet rooms to choose from. It is a gorgeous historical building and their prices are excellent.
There are hundreds of hotels to choose from, art galleries, historical places, museums, private gardens, bed and breakfast places, ship tours, churches, parks or restaurants with private rooms if the couple is having a small intimate wedding reception. And don’t forget the Ontario Renaissance Festival from late July to Labour Day weekend.
The couple could also look into the possibility of getting married at a cemetery or in a chapel at a cemetery.
Or you could always choose Disneyland www.destinationsinflorida.com
A Gothic wedding in Vegas? www.gothicweddings.com
It is important to remember that you need to book your wedding reception location and ceremony location far in advance. Some places have a three-year waiting time. Be sure to check up on the location to find out when the couple should make a booking.
Here are some location links:
http://www.oldmilltoronto.com/
http://www.city.toronto.on.ca/culture/museums.htm Historical places around Toronto
http://www.toronto.com/infosite/147806/1.shtml The Great Hall, Queen St. W.
or http://www.greathall.ca/
http://www.greatlakesschooner.com/
http://www.toronto.com/infosite/175680/1.shtml The William Lee Room
Historic Medieval locations outside of Canada:
http://www.historicalweddings.com/
http://www.louisianacastle.com/
DÉCOR
FLOWERS – The couple can either choose faux or live flowers, special arrangements, or small hand made bouquets – this is a part of the décor that requires imagination and a strict budget. Real flowers go up in price during the wedding season and you have to be aware what is and is not in bloom at the time of your wedding that way you can choose what is right for you. There are hundreds of floral shops to choose from as well in the GTA. Wedding flowers are a major part of a florist’s intake so be prepared for a hefty bill. Look around and compare prices.
When it comes to deciding what flowers you want you can be inspired by their meanings.
Flowers and herbs have magickal properties, traditional Victorian flower meanings or modern flower meanings.
If you decide to make your own real flower arrangements and bouquets please note, that flowers can not be kept in a fridge that ever held fruits or vegetables. These foods actually puts toxins the air in a fridge and will kill the flowers. Also be sure that the temperature is correct to store the flowers in.
I myself went with faux floral arrangements. White rose ball bouquets with a black cording holder, courtesy of Mayflower Displays 5122 Dundas St. W. www.mayflowerdisplays.com. I added ribbons to dress the bouquets up. Mayflower will add ribbons as well but I wanted a specific kind.
Will you be doing a bouquet toss? If yes, then it might be wise to purchase a ‘throw away’ bouquet that could be smaller than main bouquet. The tradition of tossing the bouquet is that all the single ladies gather around to catch it. Whoever does is supposed to be the next to marry. There is new style called the Fortune Bouquet, which consists of four smaller collections of flowers, tied by ribbons that form the tossing bouquet.
This way when it is thrown, more ladies have the opportunity to catch one of the four.
I created the floral table centrepieces for my wedding. Michaels Craft store and Lewiscraft have excellent selections in fall or black coloured flowers. Be sure to buy them off-season to get good deals. I purchased inexpensive terracotta pots and glued material to the outside of them.
Speaking of material – if you want custom tablecloths or swags material shops are an excellent resource. Walmart always puts out a Halloween collection in materials.
Some hall locations do have a great variety in linens to choose from and other places will only provide white.
Some website addresses:
DECORATIONS
Flowers can change the feel to a room. Lots of glowing candles, ribbons and bows. Coloured table cloths or deep rich wood furniture. Chocolate or punch fountains, balloons everywhere or lighted lattice archways. Confetti spread out on the tables is a nice touch especially for a winter themed wedding with iridescent snowflake confetti.
Be aware that most historic locations will not allow decorations to be hung up or stuck on the walls.
If you are looking for large candle operas, flower urns or archways you can find them at most floral shops for rent or a floral shop that specializes in catering to weddings, like MayFlower Display. Want to create an interesting centrepiece? Take a clear vase and fill it with your favourite candy and then add the flowers. If you are going for a Fall theme MacIntosh apples can be used as candleholders. Just cut out the size and depth of a tea light into the table of the apple. Place them wherever you want or you can even float them in water for the old ‘bobbing for apples’ look.
Guest book and pen – For myself, I searched for a long time to find a guest book and pen that was not white, frilly, or have doves on them. Chance would have it that I came across a black guest book so I grabbed it. If you find yourself in the same situation you can purchase one in any colour and cover it was material like velvet or PVC. You could also create a message tree. Find dead branches and stick them in a weight pot. Have small note cards and envelopes beside it so that guests can write their messages and place them in the tree. Some thing similar to this is to get a large coffin and have the guests put the messages inside of it. You could also get a large board with a measured out blank area in a photo size. Have your guests sign around the blank area on the board. After the wedding you can put a wedding photo and the board in a frame, this way you will always be able to see the good wishes that your guests wrote to you on your wedding.
For your guest book pen, NJS wedding shop has a gorgeous silver pen and stand.
You could also create an interesting pen stand in Fimo or clay in the shape of a skull, or a coffin.
Guest Favours: There are countless websites that sell great wedding favours but hardly any that a gothic couple would be looking for. An idea that we had was to contact the local soap shop Iodine to have headstone soaps made. Unfortunately that didn’t work out so we found cute Halloween candles to be placed at each place setting with the guest’s name on it. The tag is tied with custom dated ribbon. Picture frames, decorative candles or holders, statues, salt and pepper shakers with coloured salt in them, and chocolates or other treats are just to name a few. Favour packaging can be purchased at most craft stores and at McCall’s in Etobicoke. If you are having a Pagan wedding, you could create love spell mojo mags for your guests.
Place Cards: Large weddings usually have a table by the entrance of the reception that either has a diagram with the tables and their numbers and who is sitting at what table or you could have someone give out the place cards with their table number on them. For a smaller wedding you might just want to have the place cards at the table themselves. Watching your guests hunt for their seat can be a real treat. White paper, black paper, in small frames or attached to chocolates. Again this is another opportunity to add a nice small detail to your wedding. If your are having a Halloween or Fall wedding, take a small pumpkin and attach the card to it. If it is also a Gothic wedding – stick bat wings in the pumpkin. Along these same lines, if you are having bubbles for your guests to blow after the ceremony, fill the bubble holders with bat or cat confetti.
Here are some great links for wedding supplies:
http://www.all-occasions-giftware.com/
http://www.nuanceoccasions.com/
CLOTHING
Clothing is determined by personal style and wedding theme. From 1940’s classic and elegant designs, Medieval, Baroque or even PVC bondage wear. We all know the gruelling process of finding an outfit that fits perfectly or if it is exactly what you’re looking for. This is where having your outfit custom made really comes in handy. There are some great Ontario custom designers listed below. As well, sometimes your favourite Goth shop can recreate an outfit in any desired colour.
Renting costumes for the day could save the couple lots of money on the outfits especially if the couple has a Renaissance theme for their wedding.
The Ontario Renaissance festival has great clothing on sale if the couple can wait until July/August to purchase them.
Toronto is full of bridal shops, all one needs to do is walk around the fashion district to go hunting for a gown and bride’s maids dresses.
The accessories are just as important too. Clear crystal designs or dark rich coloured precious stones. Claire’s and Ardene, found in most of the major malls, has a great selection of inexpensive jewellery, headpieces, purses and gloves. Their best selection comes out in June during Prom season.
You can also check out Sussman’s Bridal Supplies: They have a great selection in jewellery, headpieces, gloves, purses and veils. 420 Queen St. W. Toronto, Ontario. 416-703-1180.
Some great clothing places and links:
Heretic Custom Clothing designs by Sandra Huculiak, specializing in corsets and traditional or fantasy dress designs.
To Die For Designs, created by Sidonie Spectre.
http://www.todiefordesign.com/
Siren Gothic Emporium
http://www.sirenweb.com/
Velvet and Lace, located in Vancouver. Men’s and Women’s Gothic clothing
http://www.velvetandlace.com/
Lords and Ladies, Located in Stratford Ontario
http://www.gothic-medieval-clothing.com/
The Scottish Company
http://www.scottishcompany.com/
Tip Top Tailors
http://www.tiptop.ca/
Tuxedo Royale
http://www.tuxedoroyale.com/
INVITATIONS AND OTHER STATIONARY
The introduction of the couple to your relatives and friends. Some people might know you really well and others who may have met you once before. The invitations are an important part of the wedding. They need to contain so much information and the spelling must be correct. One can only imagine the horrors if the bride’s name has a typo in it. You can look on line or purchase a wedding etiquette book to find out how the invitations should be worded. For example, if the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding and if it is in a church then it should read something like this:
Mr. And Mrs. John Smith
Request the honour of your presence
At the wedding of their daughter
Jane to John Doe …… etc.
The invitations may contain the main invite, a response card, map, recommend hotel information for out of town guests, menu, and a registry card. The invitation should state the dress code, formal or informal affair, that way the couple is not bombarded with phone calls of people asking what they should wear. If the couple has a long engagement then they may want to send out save the date cards to inform family and friends of their upcoming wedding and or the wedding shower.
Staples, Business Depot and Grand & Toy carry wedding invitation packages, like Geographic’s Elegant Wedding Ensembles.
Gwartzman’s Art Supplies: For all of your black paper needs. 448 Spadina Ave. Toronto.
Want to send a CD invitation? www.avstudio.ca
Invitation printers
Ben’s Printing 841/2 Adelaide Street East Toronto 416-363-8331
CEREMONY/VOWS
Traditional, in a church, outside, on a ship, in a garden, secular, religious, personally written the list can go on. The ceremony and vows are usually influenced by the wedding theme, the couple’s preferences and the location. You can’t very well be in a Catholic church and ask the Priest to perform a Hindu wedding ceremony. There are so many things to consider in this factor. If you want a Catholic ceremony it needs to be approved by the Arch Diocese of Ontario, and they will not perform a ceremony outside. On a ship is allowed but it is up to the preference of the Priest. If you want it in a Catholic church you could have it at your home parish or if you do not belong to one, try to find one that will marry you. As well, Catholics need to attend pre-wedding relationship/marriage courses.
Your local Occult shop may be able to recommend a licensed Justice of the Peace, Priest/Priestess or officiate able to perform a Pagan ceremony.
The couple can also create their ceremony and vows if they are allowed. They can either be speaking through the majority of it, repeat after the officiate or have as little lines to say as possible. Memorizing the vows can be very stressful and when standing at the altar – one might be too emotional to say a 10-minute speech.
A great company called All Seasons Weddings serves most of Southern Ontario. On their web site you can view bios for their officiates, read ceremony examples and see links for other great wedding resources. As well, they have an officiate who is Pagan and can perform Pagan ceremonies. They also offer a refundable deposit.
Visit them at http://www.allseasonsweddings.com/ This site also has a great links section.
ATTENDANTS
Some people choose family members to be in their wedding party and others have friends who have been with them since kindergarten. These make choosing the wedding party easier then it can be. Someone who was recently married before me gave me this advice,
“You are going to realize during your wedding planning and ceremony who your real friends are.” At first I took this as a grain of salt but now it something that has been stamped on my heart. It could not be truer. My fiancé and I had a hard time choosing whom we wanted and then we and to change some of the people even after we asked.
We have also seen people around us change their attitude towards us because we are getting married. It must sound odd, but it happened and is happening.
Take your time in choosing your wedding party. Wait as close to the date as possible, don’t decide as soon as you’re engaged if there is going to be a long engagement. And be advised that just because you ask someone to be in the wedding party – they do not have to accept. It can be a big responsibility and financial commitment that some people can not make.
TRANSPORTATION
I am still looking for a place that rents out hearses. In the mean time, if you are interested in having an antique car for your wedding, I have found www.arollschoice.com. They have great prices, and Sunday/off season deals. If you would like to rent regular limousines, you can do a search on www.toronto.com, or check out your local yellow pages. Be sure to make an appointment to go see the car you’re interested in before putting a deposit down. Ask if the car will be available in all types of weather and how they will compensate you if the car ends up being unavailable to you on your wedding day. If you don’t like the price, always ask if they can make you deal, it doesn’t hurt to try.
MUSIC
Do you picture a string trio playing chamber music at your reception, a violinist serenading you as you walk down the isle, or other live musicians? Contact the Toronto Musicians Association at (416) 421-1020 extension 236 for their free musician directory.
Do you have a favourite DJ that spins great music at your local Goth hang out? Why not ask if they would be willing to be hired out for a wedding? If dancing will not follow your dinner reception, or if you’re just having a small affair, you could bring along a stereo. Be sure to burn MP3’s onto a CD that way you can have all of the music you want to hear on only a couple of CDs and you don’t have to worry about them being ruined. If you decide on using a stereo, also be sure to ask a friend or a guest to look after the music for the night, it’s one less thing for you to worry about that day.
Looking for a bagpiper? http://cplbrown.canadianwebs.com
RINGS
The great thing about living in Toronto is that there are numerous custom jewellers that are willing to work with the couple to create the perfect wedding ring designs.
Every couple is different and there are rings to cater to everyone’s desires. Some may opt for a large Gothic silver piece or the traditional gold bands. My fiancé and I found wedding bands that were perfect for each other – white gold Celtic dragon knot work from the Claddagh House. I included below an online store who creates coffin shaped gems for jewellery – how Goth is that?!
Why decide on rings? Any jewellery will do or you could always for go matching tattoos.
The Claddagh House – For all your Celtic needs.
211 Yonge St. Suite 201, Toronto. http://www.claddagh-house.com/
Raven’s Hoard Studio, Tammara James
109 Vaughan Road, Toronto. The Occult Shop
Keltic Nations
http://www.kelticnations.com/
Coffin Jewellery
http://www.coffingems.com/
Eye Scream Jewellery
http://www.eyescreamjewelery.com/
WEDDING PLANNERS
In this day and age of dual income families it is most likely that the future bride and groom have jobs and if they have work schedules that conflict with other business operating hours, hiring a wedding plan can save the couple time and stress.
Wedding planners have experience in event planning and they can think of all the things required for weddings that the couple might forget about. A planner also has the best resources and might be able to negotiate deals with wedding service providers.
When considering hiring a planner, the question that the couple should think about is,
“How much is our time worth?”
http://www.rsvpcatering.ca/
http://207.139.200.46/wedding/index.html
www.streefreebride.com
THE CAKE
Wedding specialists say that a couple should budget between $400 to $800 for their cake.
Going through a special wedding cake bakery, one can get lost in the mounds of white iced delectables with pretty flowers or birds on them. It is enough to scare any Goth back into their world of darkness… unless one likes they typical white wedding cake.
Icing can be made into any shade – and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
If you want a deep rich colour, you are going to be able to taste the colour dye. It is not bad but it does add an “artificial” flavour to the icing. If you have a rolled fondant icing it can be airbrushed in any colour and design.
Do you want an interesting cake topper? You can find little birds from a craft store, pant them black and have your own murder of crows on your cake. Or Frankenstein and his bride, http://www.jwcaketops.com/wedfigurines/uniquehumorous/frankenstein.htm
How about glass pumpkins or skeletons, http://www.glasscaketops.com/halloween.html
If you have guests with a severe nut allergy and you want them to have some of the cake, it is hard to find a baker who does a nut allergy free cake.
Make sure that the bakery will be able to deliver the cake to your wedding location or that you have someone who will be able to pick it up on that day.
Remember that custom colours and flavours could cost you more than the posted price.
Majority of bakeries make cakes that can be cut into 2.5”x2.5” pieces. If you are serving the cake as a main dessert, you may want to have a larger cake made with bigger pieces.
If the couple wants an elaborate cake for show and the ceremonial cutting but does not want to pay to have it made large enough for 300 guests – this is what slab cakes are made for. A small version can be made for show and then the slab cake gets cut up and served.
You know those massive tiered monstrous wedding cakes? Most of the tiers are fake and made of styrofoam.
If you thought finding a baker was hard now the couple has to think about the cake holder. You can have flat trays that do not raise the cake on display. There are tiers to choose from, special rod iron cake displays and so many more. Sometimes the bakery has displays for rent or you can purchase simple ones.
Rather than having a large wedding cake the couple can also opt for individual small cakes made for each guest, made as a cake or out of fudge or chocolate.
Cup cakes are another option.
I created a 5-tier cake stand and made devil’s food cake cupcakes with black icing.
The icing can be found at Michael’s Craft store or at a bakery supply. I purchased the tier supplies from McCalls. Both of these places also have a good selection in Halloween cake decorations as well.
The black icing dye is best used in a chocolate icing with only a small amount of dye added. A lot goes a long way. The dye also tints your lips and teeth black when eaten.
Here are some Toronto wedding cake links:
http://www.toronto.com/infosite/312563/3.shtml Gabriella’s Exquisite Wedding Cakes
http://www.katiescakes.com/
http://www.mccalls.ca/
http://www.tosweetcakes.com/
http://www.creativecakes.com/
http://www.bonniegordoncakes.com/
http://www.ayomacakes.com/
http://www.dufflet.com/
http://www.dessertsbydon.com/
WEDDING RESOURCES:
Martha, Martha, Martha! Out of the racks of wedding magazines out there Martha Stewart’s ‘Weddings’ magazine is by far the best! For example, I picked up a Canadian magazine wedding special edition for 2004; it was 350 pages of nothing but ads for dresses and rings. It was boring and uninspiring. Martha’s magazine on the other hand, not only has very few ads but also has very informative articles, tips, craft instructions and recipes.
I personally like to see what the latest trends are in fashion and décor and then try to apply a Gothic twist to them. If you like to do the same, definitely check out Martha Stewart Weddings.
Sometimes the best way to find what you are looking for is by word of mouth. People will usually gladly refer you to a company that they were happy with for their wedding services. Or someone always has a friend or family member who is a florist, jeweler, caterer, baker, photographer etc. Beware that this can be a blessing and a curse. Yes it’s nice that you probably won’t have to hunt for what you’re looking for, but sometimes you’re not going to be pleased with their finished product and you’ll feel guilty about approaching them on it. My advice is if you don’t know the service provider yourself and really well – hire an outsider, it will save you a headache.
There are hundreds of online wedding information websites but not many for Canada.
http://www.toronto.com/ has a great selection of wedding information and links for places in the
GTA.
What other great wedding resources are out there? Your friends and family or other previously married couples. People are always willing to talk about their wedding and recommend you to companies that they used. And I am sure that they will have some tips to help the engaged couple keep sane during their wedding planning.
OTHER LINKS
Photography:
http://www.billbrowne.com/
http://www.hephoto.ca/index.htm
http://www.willielam.com/
Dance Lessons:
http://www.danceforwedding.ca/
